Excerpts from Unbundling
Your Divorce
Chapter 6: How to Screw Up Your Case in Seven Easy Lessons
Most judges loathe self-represented litigants. Sometimes this is legitimate. Pro se litigants make the judge’s job harder because they are often unprepared, usually don’t know the rules or the law, ask for things the judge can’t give them, and don’t know what information is relevant to the court. This means the case takes more of the judge’s time than one with two knowledgeable lawyers.
The other reason some judges hate pro se litigants, however, is that there are certain patterns which individuals who represent themselves in court tend to repeat over and over and over again, most of which make cases much more difficult for the judge.
If you really want to mess up your case, try one of the following:
PERRY MASON WANNABES
Say you have always wished you had gone to law school. Perhaps you were a Perry Mason or Divorce Court junkie when you were a kid, you are currently hooked on Law & Order or Court TV, and the real reason you want to limit legal services and
represent yourself is so that you can live out your life-long fantasy and play lawyer. DON’T. This isn’t about giving free rein to your ego. If you do, you are certain to be unsuccessful in court and embarrassed for making a fool of yourself.
Remember, you are a litigant who is representing himself. Don’t try to be an attorney, or they will make mincemeat of you. Besides, I can assure you that after you have done it a few times, the joys of arguing in court are highly overrated.
WHINE
Nothing will brand you more quickly as a difficult litigant and make the judge stop listening than if you want to use your “day in court” to rehash your litany of how you were wronged, which proves that your spouse is an unregenerate boil on the behind of society. If you are going to handle your own court appearances, find out in advance what is legally relevant and what is not, and limit yourself to the former. It may feel great to complain to a captive audience about the miserable failings of your spouse, but if you do, you will lose not only the audience but, most likely, your case.
Also, if you tick off one judge by your behavior, you can’t just switch judges and start over with someone new. You may be burning serious bridges. And if you do get transferred to another judge, don’t assume there isn’t carry over. The courthouse is a workplace much as any other. Once a case or a litigant is labeled a “problem,” that may well carry from court to court via the grapevine. You may well find the next judge even less sympathetic than the first.
One of the best uses you can make of your consulting attorney is as a sounding board, letting her coach you as to what is or is not useful for the judge to hear.
Also, do what the lawyers do. Watch the judge and look for signals. If the judge is losing patience with you or telling you to change the subject, change the subject. You will never score points with the judge by disregarding her instructions.
EXPECT THE COURTS TO MAKE UP FOR YOUR LACK OF EXPERIENCE
Some courts will loosen the rules a little for pro se litigants (to the disgust of opposing attorneys, I might add). However, don’t expect much. Judges are sworn to be even handed and fair to both sides. They may intervene if your opposing counsel is running you ragged with esoterica, but they won’t (read: can’t) do your work for you, and you should not expect it. Most of them will make a point of being absolutely even handed and won’t cut you any slack whatsoever. Therefore, do your homework, learn the procedures, come to court well prepared, and expect that you will be held to the standard of any other litigant, represented or not.
TURN IN SLOPPY OR ILLEGIBLE PAPERWORK OR DON’T SERVE THE OPPOSING COUNSEL OR PARTY WITH A COPY
This is guaranteed to make a judge angry. I have already said that legal drafting is tricky. It needs to be clear and legible, and the opposing side (whether represented or not) must be provided with a copy of whatever you file with the court.
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