Excerpts from How to Avoid the Divorce From Hell
Chapter 31: How to Be Inducted Into the Jerk Hall of Fame and Lose 10 Karma Points
- Hold the baby pictures and family videos ransom and refuse to share or copy them.
- Fight for furniture that was long in your spouse’s family on the theory that it was “a gift to both of us,” or because you’re the one who refinished it.
- Claim that the jewelry you gave your spouse for birthdays and anniversaries is “an investment” and should be divided between you.
- “Forget” to give your kid the phone messages, cards, letters and (yes, it does happen) gifts from the other parent.
- Fail to show up when you’re supposed to pick up the kids so they are left looking expectantly out the window and wondering if you forgot them.
- Fail to return the kids from visitation.
- Hide money or run up the credit cards in anticipation of separation.
- Tell your kids you can’t afford to buy them anything because the other parent “has all the money.”
- Tell your kids you can’t afford to buy them anything because, “Your Dad didn’t pay the child support.”
- Withhold the kids if the child support is late.
- Refuse to let the kids see the other parent because she’s “living in sin.”
- When the kids come back from the other parent’s house, pump them about your spouse’s living arrangements, purchases, friends and social activities. Better yet, make them feel guilty if they don’t voluntarily report to you.
- Make your kids choose between parents.
- Send only old, torn or ill-fitting clothes when your kids go to the other parent. Or, better yet, don’t return the clothes at the end of visitation. Or, return the kids dirty, sick and hungry. Or don’t let the kids take their favorite toy to the other parent’s house… you get my drift.
- Drag your children into court so they can see for themselves what a jerk the other parent is.
- Insist the kids should be with you every Halloween because it is your birthday.
- Don’t let your kids go to Mom’s on Mother’s Day because, “They have a new mom now.”
- Argue with the other parent about anything at the kids’ soccer game.
- Make sure your new spouse is involved with the kids’ activities (coach, team mother, etc.) to the exclusion of the other parent.
- Discuss the problems you are having with your ex at back to school night, with the teacher, or with the other children’s parents.
- When the kids are with you, plan activities (dinner, movies, games, etc.) for the same time as the scheduled phone call from the other parent.
- Forget to tell the other parent about the school activities you received the notices for.
- Tell your kids “secrets” they have to keep from the other parent.
- Offer the kids some rare treat if they will tell the judge or the custody evaluator that they’d rather live with you.
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